Every Friday, instead of doing anything in class, he would take us to the chapel (yes, it was a catholic school), and we would all lie down, listen to music, and meditate. At the time, I used to think of it really as just a time to not do any work and chill out, but looking back, I think it had a profound effect.
2006, my last year of high school, would probably rank as one of the best years of my life. I really enjoyed myself. I never worried about anything. Past, present or future, none of it mattered. I was just enjoying life.
Since then, I've found myself in a downward spiral. I'm too afraid to use the word 'depressed', because I think that's offensive to those who are actually clinically diagnosed with depression. I've been getting steadily worse though. Sure, I still enjoy my life in general, but I get more worried, I smoke more, I drink more, take drugs etc. I'm no longer in a happy little bubble.
Still, I guess this is all part and parcel of growing up. Yet, lately, I found I often feel better if I spend some time just meditating. In the short term, I find it quite draining. This is because I'm not practicing zen meditation, where the object is to clear the mind. Instead, I flood my mind. I bring out everything that's been troubling me, and reflect on it. Then I feel like I do right now: fucking horrible. I will go to bed, probably have an awful sleep, and just feel crap.
However, it's the after effects which I aim for. For the next week or so, life is good. So for me, that's the price to pay. Have one fucking awful night a week, and life will be good for the next while.
It won't work for everyone. This is just how I do it. And it's how I end up blogging too. :P
2 comments:
I think, what you need to think about, is the fact that it's your bubble. That bubble of happiness is yours. It belongs to you. Therefore you, and only you, have to ability to blow it up. The bubble isn't gone, it's simply very tight fitting right now. Which probably isn't very comfortable, what with all those sad bits in the bubble stuck close to you. You just need to unlock your mind, take a deep breath, and exhale. Relax with the exhilation, and let the air escaping your lungs enter your bubble.
x
I've always said that blogging is sort of cathartic. I know what you mean and the reduction of fun care-free time is a reality not a perception. It is a hard time in life, i know as i am going through a similar thing also.
"whenever i'm sad i stop being sad and start being awesome"
see you around lucas,
take care
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