Buh-bye, for now.

OK, here's the deal.

In around 10 hours I leave Auckland to go to Sydney. From there, other than a short stop-off at home on the 11th, I will not be home until the 23rd of February.

To say that I'm feeling a bit excited is an understatement.

Now, sadly, I get the feeling that for the next month and a half, I shall be relatively isolated from the internet. I don't look at this as necessarily a bad thing, but it makes me sad that I'll have very little contact with the people I've gotten to know over the last 6 months. What little internet I do have will probably be spent communicating with family and close friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing this whole thing to have fun, and the internet is most certainly not my life, but I will miss the contact.

Finally, Nic - you have to get in touch with me. I do plan on coming to see you, so we just need to organise dates.

Peace out everyone, and enjoy the first part of your 2009.
- Lucas <3

Nothing Better

Possibly one of the cutest, yet saddest songs ever made. It makes me smile, but makes me want to cry at the same time.

European Craziness

So I realise today that I leave for Europe in less than a month. I'm fucking scared. There are a few reasons why:

1. I'm not a huge fan of flying, especially since it's a really long haul. I'm not scared of flying in and of itself, more that I hate being cooped up into a small space for an extended period of time.

2. I land in Paris, and the only French I speak is basically 'bonjour', 'oui', and a phrase which means 'I am a bottle of ham'. How the hell am I going to survive?!

3. I really don't have enough money for this trip. Chances are I will end up sleeping in a doorway somewhere. I don't mind this so much, but I know it would make my parents freak out if they thought I was sleeping on the streets of Europe.

4. I will be alone for the last part of the trip, where I will be in the UK. I don't even have any internet friends in the UK, to the best of my recollection, so it will be me all on my lonesome. Now, I'm quite happy to entertain myself, but I hate being away from friends. They make everything twice as fun.

5. I'm flying halfway around the world for no known reason, other than some desire to spend all of my money, and hang with friends! AHHHHHHHHH!

/spaz

Methinks Skype shall be called upon lots while I am over there.

Greenlane

So this song I'm writing is taking longer than expected.

It seems I get frustrated with these lyrics, and I feel like I have to try and avoid all cliches. Then again, I write it as a song which could be filled with cliches, and almost have a stronger meaning behind it.

Basically, the song is from the perspective of someone who has someone who is deeply in love with them, yet they can't return that love. Every stereotypical love situation they get into drives the protagonist further away. This is why I described it as an "anti-love song".

If I could be arsed, I could possibly flesh it out into a short story, but I like it when things are shorter, so I think it stays as a song.

I'm unsure as to why I'm blogging about this, but I just kind of feel like I need to throw some words on the page. I'll get back to writing the song tomorrow I think.
It's funny how writing can absolutely suck you in and capture all of your attention.

Sick

*cough splutter cough*

Seriously, who the fuck gets a cold in summer?!
Me, that's who.

I swear I get sick at the most inappropriate times.

Anyways, I think I had a point in coming to write this blog...

...

...

Maybe not.

Erm, I'm gonna go now.

*exits coughing violently*

Motivation/Terrorism

I feel like I've been a bit lazy recently.

I haven't posted here or on YT for a while now, and for some reason I lack the motivation to do anything about it.

I think I might just take a break from making videos, and just refresh myself. My most recent vids have been shit anyway, they're just me drunk.

We'll see. If I feel like I have a good idea for a video, then I'll give it a go. Otherwise, I'm not sure where to go from here.

----

In other news, the terrorist attacks in Mumbai have shaken me up a lot more than expected. I have very fond memories of Mumbai, as a very vibrant and colourful city. It was a fantastic experience. One of the best memories was waking up at 6 to walk down to the harbour to participate in the Mumbai Laughing Club. It was in a lovely park, right next to the India Gate, and the magnificent Taj Hotel.

Seeing the image of the Taj on fire with smoke pluming from the top sent daggers into my heart. I was speechless. Apparently the streets are dead, which is unbelievable, and is something which I can't even fathom, considering how busy the place was when I was there. The effect of these attacks is astounding.

Now, I'm not one for manhunts, or searching for swift retribution. I wouldn't even want these men to face the death penalty. All I wish upon those who committed the acts is that they know that what they did was incredibly wrong. Terrorism is not the solution. I'm all for activism, but it has to be activism which proves a point, and doesn't affect the innocent. These men could have learned a thing or two from one of their fellow countrymen, Mahatma Gandhi.

My heart goes out to all those affected by this tragedy. Namaste.

Blank

For those of you who want to know what this video is about, Ellen is my sister. She died shortly after she was born. I'm not sure of the exact details, because it's hard to talk to my parents about it, but I gather that essentially her heart was too big for her chest, and there was nothing the doctors could do, despite their best efforts.

She was born around a year and a half before me, so I never knew her. The irony is that had she not died, I may never have been born.

So, her 21st birthday would have been today. When someone turns 21, you usually regale their friends and family with stories of their life so far, and wish them luck for the future. It's almost seen as a turning point in someone's life, and so to never see that with Ellen is pretty hard. For me, it seems less of a concern for her, and more a concern for my parents, and I can only imagine what the loss of a child can do to someone.

The name 'Ellen' means light. This is why my name is Lucas, as it too means light. There's a strange connection I feel between us, even though we never once saw each other. I guess it comes down to the fact that I came in to 'fill a void', I guess. I do miss her, and I wonder what influence she would have had on my life, given that my other two siblings are brothers.

Now, I don't want people telling me that they are 'sorry for my loss', because it's not my loss. It's my parents loss. I only made the video, and wrote this blog, because it's something which I'm never confronted with. I just needed to give it some thought, and unload these kinds of feelings.

So there. You have a little insight into my personal life there.
Till next time.
<3

Poem

What the fuck did Jesus ever do for us?
Wars wars wars, that's all I see.

When it comes to the crunch,
I think I'd do the same.
I mean, if you are the son of GOD,
Wouldn't you want to dabble into the depths of darkness?

What am I deep down inside?

Stalker.
Criminal.
Freak.
Blind.
Dead.

Apathy.

Fuck what you say, Brandon, because when I smile,
I just don't mean it.

No matter what I say, it's still all just words,
sprawled
across
the
page.

So, in summary,
This flesh, these bones, just don't seem right.
None of it matters.










So why is suicide so hard?

John Key is NOT my homeboy.

OK, so I was going to make a video about this, but I feel like the topic is too dry.

Just under 24 hours ago, NZ elected the National party and John Key to lead the country. This ends 9 years of strong and all together very good leadership from Helen Clark and Labour. They have now been unceremoniously removed from their post. While speaking to party faithful last night, Clark made the announcement that she is stepping down as leader. I'm not going to deny it, I shed a tear for her. She has been an amazing leader, and it pains me to see her removed by the slime-bag that is John Key. I know she is destined for bigger and better things. I firmly believe that she will be the next Secretary-General of the UN.

Now, while I am deeply saddened to see her go, this is not the biggest of my worries. My fear is that National has the propensity to fuck things up in a very short space of time when they are in power. What's worse is that they can justify almost anything by saying that the economic climate forced them to do it. I'm scared by what could happen in the next three years, and what kind of effects it has on the future of the country.

After sitting on this for a day, and giving it my best analysis from a political science perspective, I've come to the conclusion that NZ has voted for the short term. Looking at John Key's speech last night, you could see his wife was very timid and shy on stage, and didn't look like she even wanted to be seen. This, it seems, is exactly what NZ wants: a 'strong' man, with his wife holed up at home doing her domestic duties, and the children going through a good private school education. This makes me sick.

Steve Braunias made a wonderful point in this morning's Sunday Star-Times. I paraphrase here, but what he essentially said was that Labour had the maths wrong with their "Two John's" advertisement. In fact, there isn't even one John. He's an airhead, almost on the scale of Sarah Palin. Anyone who voted for 'change', anyone who voted for 'financial experience', anyone who voted for fucking tax cuts, here is your fucking saviour. I just pray that this National administration falls apart in this first term, as it is likely to do. John Key is simply a puppet.

Once again, it will fall to Labour to clean up the scraps from a National government who can't see the bigger picture.

You may say that this is all speculation, and I'm extrapolating too far. You would be wrong. Study any of the recent National administrations, and compare it to Helen Clark's government. You'll see the light.

Proposition 8

OK, so I'm writing two blogs on a night when I should be studying/sleeping, but fuck it, I need to vent here.

I wrote the side note at the end of my last blog about Prop 8, but I feel it deserves more.

Before I rant, I'm going to explain myself. You may have an inkling by now, but I've never publicly come out and said it. Despite the fact that I hate categorising sexuality, I would frame myself as 'bisexual'. As such, I find myself as staunch a believer in gay rights as any other homosexual person. After Obama was officially announced as President-Elect, I thought that there may well be a new sense of equality in the USA, which would of course have an effect on the whole world. Then I heard that Prop 8 had passed.

If you don't know, Proposition 8 was tacked onto this election with a number of other referendums. It essentially states that marriage is a right reserved for a man and a woman, and not same sex couples. It passed in all states that it was asked, and in the case of California, it means that same sex couples can no longer marry, despite the Supreme Court decision of only a few months ago.

This is a case of one step forward, two steps back for the USA. Yes, the election of Barack Obama shows that people can achieve anything, regardless of race, but what about sexual orentation? Sure, I may be in New Zealand, where I can have a Civil Union in order to get the same rights as marriage, and it doesn't really bother me that I wouldn't get the title of 'married'. I feel priveliged to have that right, and want it extended to others all over the world. Prop 8 has cut that right from many in the USA, and that is deeply upsetting. I sincerely hope that people get out and appeal to their local officials for support, and take it to the courts again.

I could go on and on, but this is long enough. Just know that I'm fucking pissed off. Despite the fact that I'm not necessarily going to end up in a same sex relationship, I think it would be irresponsible for me not to show my dislike for Prop 8.

Spread the word, these Californites(?) need our support.

Yes he did.

So I sit here, and I try to think back to when a President last spoke like that. I've never lived through one, and you would probably have to look at either Reagan's "Tear down this wall" speech, or possibly even back to the Kennedy era. I feel like I've just watched one of the biggest moments, if not the biggest moment in history.

Let me explain here. It's not simply because an African American has been elected. While that is clearly important, what is even bigger is the fact that this African American is such a well-spoken and all around incredible person. For 250 years, oppression has been rife throughout the United States. It has taken an amazing person to fully break those chains. Never before has an African American even managed to get through the primaries, and here this man has taken it all the way. He is something special, and not just because of his skin colour.

This speech had echoes of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. While watching it, all I could hear was "I have been to the mountain top". Obama sounded like he too was a Reverend or a Priest, preaching to the masses, and them responding in turn. Obama seems to be the MLK of this generation. This is what scares me the most. MLK was assassinated the day after he gave what I consider to be his best speech. Given the fact that Obama gave his speech with bulletproof shields in front of him it's safe to say that many others are worried too. I don't want to tempt fate, but it fucking scares me. There are some insane people out there.

The irony in all this is the fact that I now couldn't give a shit about the New Zealand election on Saturday. All of that is wiped from my brain, and I can't bring myself to watch the leader's debate that is happening right now, because I know it will be such an anti-climax.

I don't care what you say, but I know that nearly everyone wishes they were American right now. I certainly do.

And now to sign off, echoing the sentiment that everyone should be feeling right now.

Peace.

Edit: WTF?! Sure, elect Obama, but then you go and vote yes on Proposition 8, effectively reversing gay marriage rights only just granted to California citizens. Shame on you Californians who voted yes. I'm still really happy that the US is now headed in the right direction, but this really grinds my gears. I'm fucking upset at this.

Then again, I guess I have more material for my American Politics exam tomorrow :D

Bitch bitch bitch, nag nag nag.

I want to say a few things here.

Firstly, I hate exams.

Secondly, I have failed at least one course, and there is a decent chance of me failing up to three of my four courses which I am taking. This is not a happy thought.

Thirdly, I am suffering from severe writers block. Every song, every poem, every darn thing I try to write that actually has any meaning just looks like shit on a page to me, so all I do is tear it up. It's frustrating, because I feel like I have stuff to write about, but I can't fucking articulate it into any kind of lyrical form.

You can probably tell from this that I'm just not in a good mood at the moment. Of course, whenever I'm upset, I smoke more, I drink more, and I just get run down.

Then I look at what I have written, and all I can see is me bitching.

I don't want to turn this blog into my little corner where I sit and cry about how much my life sucks, but I just had to get this off my chest, and it doesn't seem suitable for a video.

On a positive note, I really like Ryan Adams and The Cardinals' new album, Cardinology. If you like a bit of Country/Alternative, then this is for you. If you don't, I recommend you try it. I think you'll like it.

And out.

Love is a burning thing...

I know this person, who is in love, but knows that that love is impossible to satisfy.
They asked me if they were crazy for even bothering to pursue it.
I said no, you aren't.

This made me think about love, and whether it can be a rational thing.
To me, it seems that when you are young, you have extemely passionate motives, because all of your emotions are pushed to the limit. A lot of people try to mature too quickly, and withdraw from those emotions because they aren't 'rational'.

I say fuck it. When you are in your teenage years, you are at a point of discovery in your life. If you never act upon urges, you'll never experience that rush. Now, I'm not saying that you should go out and sleep with everyone you meet, this goes much deeper than that. This is when you are in love, when you can't get that person out of your head, because you desperately want them to be a part of your life.

Never second guess yourself. If things don't work out, it's fine, because you have your whole life ahead of you. If you save these urges until you get older, then you'll probably find yourself in a right mess.

Do what you can, when you can.

Peace and Love.

Everyone gathered as one....

So I'm sitting here watching videos of the gathering, and it suddenly dawns on me:

How the hell did NZYT get like this?

I mean, there is such a vibrant community on YT, something which always amazes me. Having experienced the gathering first hand, and how comfortable people are around each other, I can say that this YT thing is a very odd construction. For example, I had never once hung out with ANY of these vloggers in real life, yet I was very much able to mingle with the more well known tubers, to the point where me and Levi were hitting on each other in the downtown foodcourt.

I sometimes hear people accusing these guys of being "elitist" and not opening up to the small time tubers, but from my experience, it is the exact opposite, and they are only too happy to chat with others.

To all the guys and girls I hung out with on Saturday, thanks for a fucking awesome time.

Why on earth did I start this?

Well, there are a couple of reasons:

Whenever I'm making vlogs or other videos, I never feel like I'm taking it serious enough, or I feel too distracted to really think about what I am saying.

So, I think this is a place where I can put across a different perspective, seperate to the face I show in videos.

Also, because I'm an occasional writer, it obviously makes sense to put those kinds of things here, rather than in a video.

Anyways, that's it for now. A proper post will be forthcoming.