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For those of you who want to know what this video is about, Ellen is my sister. She died shortly after she was born. I'm not sure of the exact details, because it's hard to talk to my parents about it, but I gather that essentially her heart was too big for her chest, and there was nothing the doctors could do, despite their best efforts.

She was born around a year and a half before me, so I never knew her. The irony is that had she not died, I may never have been born.

So, her 21st birthday would have been today. When someone turns 21, you usually regale their friends and family with stories of their life so far, and wish them luck for the future. It's almost seen as a turning point in someone's life, and so to never see that with Ellen is pretty hard. For me, it seems less of a concern for her, and more a concern for my parents, and I can only imagine what the loss of a child can do to someone.

The name 'Ellen' means light. This is why my name is Lucas, as it too means light. There's a strange connection I feel between us, even though we never once saw each other. I guess it comes down to the fact that I came in to 'fill a void', I guess. I do miss her, and I wonder what influence she would have had on my life, given that my other two siblings are brothers.

Now, I don't want people telling me that they are 'sorry for my loss', because it's not my loss. It's my parents loss. I only made the video, and wrote this blog, because it's something which I'm never confronted with. I just needed to give it some thought, and unload these kinds of feelings.

So there. You have a little insight into my personal life there.
Till next time.
<3