Aspirations

So I feel like getting a bit personal. I don't know why, I'm just in the mood.

You see, lately I've been thinking about my life, and where I'm going. Now, I've had my share of fun so far in life, but I'm at this stage now where I have to make some kind of decision about the kind of person I'm going to be.

Now, up until around November, I had a fair idea. I was going to do well at University, come away with a degree in Politcal Science, and trot off to Wellington to try and make it in the NZ Political scene. However, last semester at Uni was just shit, and I lost all motivation for working. Then came November 8th, where I realised for the first time in my life that New Zealand is not as smart as I first thought. Thus, I came to the conclusion that in order to gain any traction in NZ Politics, I would have to either be a dickhead like John Key, or wait long enough for someone to fuck NZ up so as to spend my entire political career trying to fix it. As much as it truly pains me to say it, Politics is dead to me.

Then there is the pipe dream of being a musician. However, I'm not technically or creatively gifted enough to be able to exist off music alone. As much as I will be trying to continue this pastime, unless I get really lucky, it will continue to be just a pastime.

This is part of the reason why I'm going to Europe. I need to get away. I need a break from even thinking about myself. It's scary when you lose motivation for nearly everything you loved, and I just need some time to come to terms with myself.

My one mid-term goal for my life is simple. I will look to earn some money, maybe a year of consistently working, and then use the money to get to India, and spend a really extended period of time isolated. I would dearly love to live like a hermit, having no care for myself, and only spend my time looking after others. Sadly, this will take time and money to achieve, and being as unmotivated as I am right now, who knows where this plan will end up.

Then again, my attitude at the moment is a 'fuck it' mentality. I'm using this blog to vent before I go to clear my head. We'll see how I feel when I come back. I'm also looking to use this trip as a chance to experiment with my sexuality. I've had limited chances to do so at home, and I feel that in a foreign environment it may flourish. It may actually give me the courage to come out to my closest family and friends.

Sorry. I talk a lot of shit.

And on that note, I'm off to sleep. Don't take me too seriously. x